In case I haven’t really said it – I’m pregnant again and now 30 weeks along already! I may have thought my second pregnancy was a whirlwind but this one is taking the cake. Well, first off, we weren’t really planning for this one, it was a total oopsie on our part. After the first pregnancy test I took in September, the first words out of my mouth were literally What. The. f%#k. But as the weeks went on and the morning sickness faded, we started accepting the inevitable and started envisioning what a three-kid household would look like. Like, we’re going to have to squeeze another crib into our 2-bedroom California rental, and trade our sporty 4Runner in for something that fits 3 car seats (yes, that means a van for me). And above all, just 3 months after having Walker I’d have to do the pregnancy thing all over again, with the back and rib pain, roids and indigestion. All the annoying things I was so happy to have behind me were here all over again. But with every surprise life throws you, there is still so much good to overcome it. Like the fact that I’m hella fertile, and Rob is super hyper, if ya know what I mean. Obviously the romance is still there ;) And there must be a reason God keeps blessing us, as we seem to take on parenting in an optimistic way and do a great job of loving the crap out of our babies so, really, what’s one more? Nothing but bring more love into this house and more memories to make. And also, it’s another BOY, so now I feel warm in my heart knowing we’ll have a little brotherhood within our house. Boys for life! And for me, I’m eating everything in sight. Mainly peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches and chocolate ice-cream … And occasionally something healthy because my doctor says my iron is low. I guess I don’t gain a lot from French toast and pizza as I would some leafy greens and red meat. But hey, this isn’t my first rodeo. I try to cover all the basics the best I can. Last thing, we’ve picked a name already and I can’t wait to see him and share it out with the masses. 10 weeks to go, a lot more growing to do (ugh) and a lot still to prep ..in the meantime I’ll be enjoying his little kicks and bops, and obsessing over his ultrasound pictures.
P.S. I’m convinced that gel manicures make everything better. There is nothing I can’t conquer in life or in a week without one. Sounds silly but it’s true for me for some reason. I should really be saving for Paris or Ireland or these kids’ college funds, but for some reason a gel mani is what I need to get through the pregnancy ups and downs. And maybe my monthly Birchbox ;) who’s with me?!
It’s arrived and I’m so ready to break up with my phone. I talked a little about this on my New Year’s post, but it’s time. I’ve actually stayed 100% true to my promise to take a break from social media (and my phone really) until I read this book. I just started it last night and am already blown away. And a little scared at what I’ve been doing to my brain over the last some-odd years since first getting my iPhone. But since I’ve deleted my social apps, I’ve actually come a long way. I don’t even bring my phone out now when I’m home around the kids, or out to dinner with friends. When our families were here I didn’t even have it near me to take photos with (which I sort of regret now), and while I watched my family put their noses in their phones, I was able to just soak in the time. I’ve also noticed more things around me, like these beautiful yellow blooms around Santa Cruz right now. How have I not noticed these before?! So beautiful! I pulled over the other day and grabbed some for my home office. And now when I drive around all I see are these gorgeous balls of yellow all around us. And when the sun is coming up, as I drive the kiddos out every morning, against the blue sky and ocean line, these blooms are just so heavenly. How much more have I missed from being obsessed with my phone?! Well, I’ll be posting more on my 30-day plan, once I get to that portion of the book, but for now, I keep my phone close to me during the work day because I need it for work, but aside from that I’ve been soaking up all the little moments with my little boys and reading books! Hope you’re all having a love-filled month. I’ll try to post more but just wanted to share how excited I am to break up with my phone ha.
This year I’ve decided to take a break from my social apps, primarily Instagram, and instead focus on using the little down time I have to read all the books people have given me. Normally I give myself a million New Year’s resolutions, but I always seem to fail at all of them, so this year I’m deciding on only one. I’ve also preordered this book, in hopes of getting a better handle on how much time I spend on my phone and why it affects me. Too many times I leave my IG feed feeling bad about myself. How to Break Up with Your Phone also details out the addictive nature of your phone and how it doesn’t allow you to retain real memories or really focus. But at the same time it’s a 30 day activity book to get your life back and out of your phone. The book comes in early February so until then I’ll be picking up my first book from my shelf, starting with Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, and also blogging more. I find that I’m more of my true self when I’m documenting and writing on my blog than on social media. Maybe I’ll come back after this break with a new outlook on how to use Instagram or other social apps in a way that I actually enjoy and gain inspiration from. All this with the caveat that if I start a book and can’t get into it after a few chapters that I can put it down and start another. I have so many more titles waiting in the wind at the library that I can tap into once I get through this list if so. But then there I go again, setting my sights too high!
Here’s the the line up, not in any particular order:
- Written in my Own Heart’s Blood
- Steve Jobs
- A Discovery of Witches
- The Grapevine Vampire
- Behind the Beautiful Forevers
- The Alchemist
- Jane Eyre
- The Tipping Point
- My Life in France
- The Zookeeper’s Wife
- The Reader
- The Keep (finish it!)
- The White Queen
- City of Sanctuary (finish it!)
Wish me luck!
Life has felt pretty heavy lately. A lot on our minds here in California, a lot that we’re trying to let go of and embrace at the same time. But today was a Monday I don’t want to forget. Mondays are supposed to be crappy for the most part, but for some reason, today felt very eventful, and accomplished. And boy did we need it. Jace was in high spirits and had few tears, Rob got some exciting phone calls, I was fairly productive at work, and I got the boys down by 8:15p, while Rob played some pick up ball with a friend. Today was busy, don’t get me wrong, but we all kept our cool and just went with it. Even when Walker fell off the bed. We might be getting better at this here life with two kids thing after all. Small glimpses of successes all around us. When Walker giggles and snorts at Jace’s games of peek-a-boos, or Jace falls asleep on the same pillow as Walker, or when Rob skips off to basketball, with confidence all over his face. . . it reminds me how good every day is, when you just breathe and see it.
Do you ever feel like you suck at life? No? Just me? Well that’s how I feel. And right now, in this moment, all I want is to get better at it. To be more patient with my 3-year old. To be more supportive of my spouse. To be a better friend. To be a better daughter. To be kinder to myself. To work harder at my day job. But sometimes, I feel like I can’t give any more of my self. They said parenting was hard, but gosh, some days, I really have to reach deep. The first book I ever received about parenting said that having children would be the greatest gift from God. That children would challenge you and make you question things. Make you stronger and build your character. Help you see the purest of hearts from the womb and test your love. That children would teach you patience and selflessness and humility like no other experience. And in this moment, I totally agree. I’m tired and definitely tried. By the end of the day, I feel dead. I fear I look very haggard. I really do. Alone time doesn’t kick in until 9:30 at night, once the kids are asleep, and if I haven’t passed out putting them to sleep, I usually spend the time eating a chocolate chip ice cream sandwich or putting away my laundry that’s been clean and sitting in piles in my small bedroom for 3 weeks. And even more, when Jace wipes his chocolate-smeared mouth on my clean shirt, or fights me to put on his pajamas, or tells me he hates me, or that he wants Daddy after I just made him cheesy scrambled eggs with avo, his favorite, I want to throw in the towel. But gosh darn it, I won’t! Because you know what Cheryl? He’s human. Just like you. This is God telling me to work harder. To be stronger. To woman up. To be the kind of person I want my son to grow up to be – calm and collected. And above all, a happy person, because life is good dang it! I’ll stay up later to clean if I need to, and put off my bikini wax another month so I can buy him a $40 Guardians of the Galaxy toy set. My self might be sort of unrecognizable in the moment, but dang it, that kid is a part of me and I freaking love him. And his pure heart gets me every time. Just like tonight, when he wanted all the neighbors and lookers driving by to look at his freshly carved pumpkin, all lit up in the dark on our front porch. He even invited people back to our house to see it after buying tealights at the local grocer. When he looks at us and says, “I have an idea”, I about want to cry in that moment. He’s so good, I just need to see it more. He truly is a gift.