This year I’ve decided to take a break from my social apps, primarily Instagram, and instead focus on using the little down time I have to read all the books people have given me. Normally I give myself a million New Year’s resolutions, but I always seem to fail at all of them, so this year I’m deciding on only one. I’ve also preordered this book, in hopes of getting a better handle on how much time I spend on my phone and why it affects me. Too many times I leave my IG feed feeling bad about myself. How to Break Up with Your Phone also details out the addictive nature of your phone and how it doesn’t allow you to retain real memories or really focus. But at the same time it’s a 30 day activity book to get your life back and out of your phone. The book comes in early February so until then I’ll be picking up my first book from my shelf, starting with Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, and also blogging more. I find that I’m more of my true self when I’m documenting and writing on my blog than on social media. Maybe I’ll come back after this break with a new outlook on how to use Instagram or other social apps in a way that I actually enjoy and gain inspiration from. All this with the caveat that if I start a book and can’t get into it after a few chapters that I can put it down and start another. I have so many more titles waiting in the wind at the library that I can tap into once I get through this list if so. But then there I go again, setting my sights too high!
Here’s the the line up, not in any particular order:
- Written in my Own Heart’s Blood
- Steve Jobs
- A Discovery of Witches
- The Grapevine Vampire
- Behind the Beautiful Forevers
- The Alchemist
- Jane Eyre
- The Tipping Point
- My Life in France
- The Zookeeper’s Wife
- The Reader
- The Keep (finish it!)
- The White Queen
- City of Sanctuary (finish it!)
Wish me luck!
Life has felt pretty heavy lately. A lot on our minds here in California, a lot that we’re trying to let go of and embrace at the same time. But today was a Monday I don’t want to forget. Mondays are supposed to be crappy for the most part, but for some reason, today felt very eventful, and accomplished. And boy did we need it. Jace was in high spirits and had few tears, Rob got some exciting phone calls, I was fairly productive at work, and I got the boys down by 8:15p, while Rob played some pick up ball with a friend. Today was busy, don’t get me wrong, but we all kept our cool and just went with it. Even when Walker fell off the bed. We might be getting better at this here life with two kids thing after all. Small glimpses of successes all around us. When Walker giggles and snorts at Jace’s games of peek-a-boos, or Jace falls asleep on the same pillow as Walker, or when Rob skips off to basketball, with confidence all over his face. . . it reminds me how good every day is, when you just breathe and see it.
Do you ever feel like you suck at life? No? Just me? Well that’s how I feel. And right now, in this moment, all I want is to get better at it. To be more patient with my 3-year old. To be more supportive of my spouse. To be a better friend. To be a better daughter. To be kinder to myself. To work harder at my day job. But sometimes, I feel like I can’t give any more of my self. They said parenting was hard, but gosh, some days, I really have to reach deep. The first book I ever received about parenting said that having children would be the greatest gift from God. That children would challenge you and make you question things. Make you stronger and build your character. Help you see the purest of hearts from the womb and test your love. That children would teach you patience and selflessness and humility like no other experience. And in this moment, I totally agree. I’m tired and definitely tried. By the end of the day, I feel dead. I fear I look very haggard. I really do. Alone time doesn’t kick in until 9:30 at night, once the kids are asleep, and if I haven’t passed out putting them to sleep, I usually spend the time eating a chocolate chip ice cream sandwich or putting away my laundry that’s been clean and sitting in piles in my small bedroom for 3 weeks. And even more, when Jace wipes his chocolate-smeared mouth on my clean shirt, or fights me to put on his pajamas, or tells me he hates me, or that he wants Daddy after I just made him cheesy scrambled eggs with avo, his favorite, I want to throw in the towel. But gosh darn it, I won’t! Because you know what Cheryl? He’s human. Just like you. This is God telling me to work harder. To be stronger. To woman up. To be the kind of person I want my son to grow up to be – calm and collected. And above all, a happy person, because life is good dang it! I’ll stay up later to clean if I need to, and put off my bikini wax another month so I can buy him a $40 Guardians of the Galaxy toy set. My self might be sort of unrecognizable in the moment, but dang it, that kid is a part of me and I freaking love him. And his pure heart gets me every time. Just like tonight, when he wanted all the neighbors and lookers driving by to look at his freshly carved pumpkin, all lit up in the dark on our front porch. He even invited people back to our house to see it after buying tealights at the local grocer. When he looks at us and says, “I have an idea”, I about want to cry in that moment. He’s so good, I just need to see it more. He truly is a gift.
Hello friends. Happy New Year! Seems I’ve celebrated quiet a few New Years on this ol’ blog. And now we’ve hit 2017. Wow. Another year alive = always a huge win! It’s been raining non stop here, which is pretty wild for us Arizonans, so I’m sipping some hot “pregnancy” tea. Gotta take advantage while I can. I’ve decided to make some resolutions for myself this year. Things I really suck at you could say. Things I really want to work on. Here goes:
- Cut back (a lot) on sugar, especially the bad kind. Meaning no donuts. No tropical Skittles. No chooclate bars. Not as MUCH fast food. Meaning I need to read ingredients more and stop putting so much crap into my body (and Jace’s!). I still have my eyes on one of these recipes for Valentine’s Day, but I really need to cut back. Sugar should be more of a treat when the occassion hits, and not an every day thing.
- Spoil a friend once a month. This blog is also about GIVING joy, and I really need to do that more. So, watch out, you might be on the list!
- Save money, and not spend it. Be happy with what I got. This is going to involve unsubscribing from a lot of promotional emails (which I’ve already done today, including Brickyard Buffalo >> check!). Can’t be tempted to buy stupid sh#t I really don’t need. Especially with another baby on the way. Unless Oxford Trunk alerts me that this shirt is back in stock of course, which I don’t think will EVER happen :((
- And last, and probably the biggest – stop trying to please others. Find my center, whatever that looks like. Be smarter about who I spend my time with and where my energy goes. Flat out say no and stop trying to please everyone. This book has been rocking my outlook on life lately (best Christmas gift ever, Rob!) and articles like this.
Hopefully this isn’t too much for me to work on this year. #1 and #4 might be the hardest .. wish me luck!