I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t keep my cool lately, and it’s eating me up inside. Every morning I’m stressed with getting our life together and out the door on time. I’m quick to irritate and lose my patience. I dare say I have quite the temper these days. When it takes me asking Jace 5 times to do something before I have to use my stern, mean, mom voice or when he decides to have a meltdown in the most inopportune time when I really need us to get situated in or out of the van, is when I blow my lid.
The other day, while our egg dying activity started spilling over onto our 10-year old kitchen table, staining it while Jace rather eat the hard boiled egg than actually decorate it, I said “our life is a disaster.” Then Rob corrected me and said, “ no, it’s a perfect disaster.” And honestly, those words couldn’t be truer. Life is going to be messy for awhile. Dirty coffee cups are going to stack up. We’re going to stain some wood. Jace is going to cry. Over everything. Walker is going to take fifty poops in a day (or so it seems at least). I’m going to wash my hair once a week. Rob is going to put off homework. Our kitchen is going to be a shit storm every day. And our house is going to smell like wet dog. It’s a disaster but it’s perfect just the way it is. And life feels lighter knowing it doesn’t have to be anything it’s not right now. One day we’ll be able to cook a meal without garlic bread burning. One day. But for now, I’ll take the disasters as long as we’re all together.
On March 9th, we celebrated 10 years of marriage. 10 years! 8 rentals, 1 mortgage, 10 jobs, 5 cars, 3 moves across states, 2 dogs (only 1 now) and almost 3 kids later .. we’re still at it! And I couldn’t be more thankful for my husband and partner and best friend. He’s the most selfless man I know, and even through the ups and down, the tears of joy and tears of anger, the personal wins and personal failures, we’re still here, together. I can say that with every new chapter or hurdle, we make it through. We know how deep our love runs for each other and for the family we’re creating, how much we want the other to succeed and accomplish their goals, how many more things we still want to do and see together, and when I think about everything we’ve been through my heart wants to burst. I love this kind, imperfect man and I love that we’re both a son and daughter of God. Together. I truly don’t know what I’d do without him. We originally wanted to renew our vows on the beach for our 10 year but with all the change coming with baby #3 we just ran out of time to plan it. But thankfully I found us a babysitter this past weekend, and we took ourselves out for a date with a tax advisor (fun, right?), then to an early dinner to do our favorite thing in the world – eat! But by the time dinner was done, we were itching to see our boys again. But the alone time to celebrate just us was much needed and we still felt giddy and flirty all the same. We talked about our favorite year and our worst in our marriage, the highest points and some of the lows we grew from. But most of all, we still are into each other, a lot .. and I can say that we never not have enough to talk about. Well, Rob. I love you still to this day and more with every new day, and am excited for everything that is still to come! To think, I married the boy I met in high school that wore puka shell and hemp necklaces and you the girl who bleached her hair white and burned her skin until it was black as black tan. And we’re still choosing to love each other! Yay for us. But dang, if life isn’t more fun with you around! And our boys;)
We finally bought another ride, now for Rob’s new commute to work. The 5 months off were nice but the real world was calling, and so were the 80s! We found this little rad thing – an ’87 Toyota Celica up in Milpitas off CL. Only 80,000 miles and purrs like a kitten. No airbags so we drive extra cautiously, ha, but so far so good. I pray God lets us get around it in safely. Even has the old vintage, original plates. You sort of feel like you’re in Back to the Future or some other 80s flick when you drive in it. Let’s see how it does. And also, a big congrats to my main squeeze for landing an Associate Director of Admissions job. Good luck honey! They already love you I’m sure.
Life has felt pretty heavy lately. A lot on our minds here in California, a lot that we’re trying to let go of and embrace at the same time. But today was a Monday I don’t want to forget. Mondays are supposed to be crappy for the most part, but for some reason, today felt very eventful, and accomplished. And boy did we need it. Jace was in high spirits and had few tears, Rob got some exciting phone calls, I was fairly productive at work, and I got the boys down by 8:15p, while Rob played some pick up ball with a friend. Today was busy, don’t get me wrong, but we all kept our cool and just went with it. Even when Walker fell off the bed. We might be getting better at this here life with two kids thing after all. Small glimpses of successes all around us. When Walker giggles and snorts at Jace’s games of peek-a-boos, or Jace falls asleep on the same pillow as Walker, or when Rob skips off to basketball, with confidence all over his face. . . it reminds me how good every day is, when you just breathe and see it.