Tonight. Was one for the books. I haven’t posted in a very long time. Things have been off with life you could say. Long story. All I can say is I needed a day like today. Desperately. From the minute I woke up, my spirit was peaceful. The boys were calm and cuddly, obeying and happy. All the daycare drop offs went great. Fairly productive work day. I was asked to lunch by a couple gals I work with. I received some inspiring texts from my mother in law. My new organic skin care samples came in the mail. I took my youngest in for his 1-year wellness check (we survived 3 shots). The gardener came by. Callen ate some strawberries from our planter boxes on the patio. The sky was blue. The sun warm. The radio stations in my van were playing all the right tunes. I squeezed in a trip to Trader Joe’s for all our favorites. Jace and Callen were so well behaved, Jace even found the shark and got a sucker. Walker squeezed me extra hard when I picked him up. He’d crafted a robin bird at Katie’s today. We got home and I started unloading the groceries. And then stopped and looked at the scene in my kitchen. And time stood still. Walker was sitting on top of the kitchen table playing with Jace’s dragons. Jace was playing with his finger skateboards on the ground. Callen was close by, pulling everything I was putting in the fridge out of the fridge. And everyone was happy, like being home was the most comfortable thing. And in that moment my heart soared at how precious this time in my life is. How beautiful these boys are and how blessed I am. We had dinner and did bath, had ice cream cones for dessert and obsessed over Jace’s first loose tooth. No one was fighting over toys or crying. Somehow I did something right today. Whatever it was. Maybe it was the good night sleep that night before or the peace I felt waking up that day. Crazy how your mindset sets the stage for how your day is going to go .. well anyway, just wanted to document these thoughts so I never forget this warm, tight feeling in my chest.
I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t keep my cool lately, and it’s eating me up inside. Every morning I’m stressed with getting our life together and out the door on time. I’m quick to irritate and lose my patience. I dare say I have quite the temper these days. When it takes me asking Jace 5 times to do something before I have to use my stern, mean, mom voice or when he decides to have a meltdown in the most inopportune time when I really need us to get situated in or out of the van, is when I blow my lid.
The other day, while our egg dying activity started spilling over onto our 10-year old kitchen table, staining it while Jace rather eat the hard boiled egg than actually decorate it, I said “our life is a disaster.” Then Rob corrected me and said, “ no, it’s a perfect disaster.” And honestly, those words couldn’t be truer. Life is going to be messy for awhile. Dirty coffee cups are going to stack up. We’re going to stain some wood. Jace is going to cry. Over everything. Walker is going to take fifty poops in a day (or so it seems at least). I’m going to wash my hair once a week. Rob is going to put off homework. Our kitchen is going to be a shit storm every day. And our house is going to smell like wet dog. It’s a disaster but it’s perfect just the way it is. And life feels lighter knowing it doesn’t have to be anything it’s not right now. One day we’ll be able to cook a meal without garlic bread burning. One day. But for now, I’ll take the disasters as long as we’re all together.
On March 9th, we celebrated 10 years of marriage. 10 years! 8 rentals, 1 mortgage, 10 jobs, 5 cars, 3 moves across states, 2 dogs (only 1 now) and almost 3 kids later .. we’re still at it! And I couldn’t be more thankful for my husband and partner and best friend. He’s the most selfless man I know, and even through the ups and down, the tears of joy and tears of anger, the personal wins and personal failures, we’re still here, together. I can say that with every new chapter or hurdle, we make it through. We know how deep our love runs for each other and for the family we’re creating, how much we want the other to succeed and accomplish their goals, how many more things we still want to do and see together, and when I think about everything we’ve been through my heart wants to burst. I love this kind, imperfect man and I love that we’re both a son and daughter of God. Together. I truly don’t know what I’d do without him. We originally wanted to renew our vows on the beach for our 10 year but with all the change coming with baby #3 we just ran out of time to plan it. But thankfully I found us a babysitter this past weekend, and we took ourselves out for a date with a tax advisor (fun, right?), then to an early dinner to do our favorite thing in the world – eat! But by the time dinner was done, we were itching to see our boys again. But the alone time to celebrate just us was much needed and we still felt giddy and flirty all the same. We talked about our favorite year and our worst in our marriage, the highest points and some of the lows we grew from. But most of all, we still are into each other, a lot .. and I can say that we never not have enough to talk about. Well, Rob. I love you still to this day and more with every new day, and am excited for everything that is still to come! To think, I married the boy I met in high school that wore puka shell and hemp necklaces and you the girl who bleached her hair white and burned her skin until it was black as black tan. And we’re still choosing to love each other! Yay for us. But dang, if life isn’t more fun with you around! And our boys;)