Life

This past weekend we ventured up to Payson to camp with family. It was hotter than we thought, which meant no campfires. Even though we sweat by day, it was freezing by bedtime! I think my favorite part of camping is bedtime in the tent with the boys. When it’s cold at night we have to cuddle extra close in the blankets to stay warm. I can snuggle their faces and wrap my arms around them and stare at their eye lashes in the morning sun. I can kiss their cheeks and listen to the crickets (or coyotes, depending on the time of night). It’s also a lot of fun to see them use the air mattresses as trampolines. This trip we spent a lot of time at the nearby creeks and water wells, and devoted much planning around meal time. The creeks were full of crawdads and tadpoles, we even found a sandy shore and swing at one place. I don’t remember sitting down but I think the boys had a blast which is all that matters. I’ll save the hammock for a later day. I don’t think June is the best time to go up north so maybe we’ll save the camping for the Fall, when we can have a campfire and roast s’mores! I love this family of mine, and am thankful for this body I can make tired.

Tonight. Was one for the books. I haven’t posted in a very long time. Things have been off with life you could say. Long story. All I can say is I needed a day like today. Desperately. From the minute I woke up, my spirit was peaceful. The boys were calm and cuddly, obeying and happy. All the daycare drop offs went great. Fairly productive work day. I was asked to lunch by a couple gals I work with. I received some inspiring texts from my mother in law. My new organic skin care samples came in the mail. I took my youngest in for his 1-year wellness check (we survived 3 shots). The gardener came by. Callen ate some strawberries from our planter boxes on the patio. The sky was blue. The sun warm. The radio stations in my van were playing all the right tunes. I squeezed in a trip to Trader Joe’s for all our favorites. Jace and Callen were so well behaved, Jace even found the shark and got a sucker. Walker squeezed me extra hard when I picked him up. He’d crafted a robin bird at Katie’s today. We got home and I started unloading the groceries. And then stopped and looked at the scene in my kitchen. And time stood still. Walker was sitting on top of the kitchen table playing with Jace’s dragons. Jace was playing with his finger skateboards on the ground. Callen was close by, pulling everything I was putting in the fridge out of the fridge. And everyone was happy, like being home was the most comfortable thing. And in that moment my heart soared at how precious this time in my life is. How beautiful these boys are and how blessed I am. We had dinner and did bath, had ice cream cones for dessert and obsessed over Jace’s first loose tooth. No one was fighting over toys or crying. Somehow I did something right today. Whatever it was. Maybe it was the good night sleep that night before or the peace I felt waking up that day.  Crazy how your mindset sets the stage for how your day is going to go .. well anyway, just wanted to document these thoughts so I never forget this warm, tight feeling in my chest.

Enough said.

The other day, while our egg dying activity started spilling over onto our 10-year old kitchen table, staining it while Jace rather eat the hard boiled egg than actually decorate it, I said “our life is a disaster.” Then Rob corrected me and said, “ no, it’s a perfect disaster.” And honestly, those words couldn’t be truer. Life is going to be messy for awhile. Dirty coffee cups are going to stack up. We’re going to stain some wood. Jace is going to cry. Over everything. Walker is going to take fifty poops in a day (or so it seems at least). I’m going to wash my hair once a week. Rob is going to put off homework. Our kitchen is going to be a shit storm every day. And our house is going to smell like wet dog. It’s a disaster but it’s perfect just the way it is. And life feels lighter knowing it doesn’t have to be anything it’s not right now. One day we’ll be able to cook a meal without garlic bread burning. One day. But for now, I’ll take the disasters as long as we’re all together.