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Life, Motherhood

This sucks

So, I picked up Jace tonight from day care, and he started crying, his lower lip out, reaching back for Isabel, my day care friend. He didn’t want anything to do with me. It took all of me to not cry in front of Isabel. Then, when I got home, Rob picked him up for a big hug, then I took him back in my arms and he started crying and reaching for Rob. Again, didn’t want anything to do with me. So, I’m pretty much a mess tonight. Decided to not go to the gym. Feeling pretty not important to my son. Feeling like he spends more time at daycare than he does with me. This sucks. Then everything started weighing on me. The dogs, the washer and dryer we need, the airplane tickets we need to buy, the gifts I want to give, the laundry stacking up, the bills to pay, the dirty dishes, the family I’m missing, the months that have flown by. I spiral pretty fast these days. But, then Jace smiled at me, grabbed my face, let me rock him to sleep, and it was all good again. That is, until I have to drop him at daycare in the morning.

Jace, Life

I’m still here

In case you’re wondering, I’m still here. Just spending a lot of time with all of our visitors, who we love so much! For now, look at my son. And his delicious rolls ;)

Jace, Life, Santa Cruz

Now, that’s a lot of babies!

This past Sunday we met up with our fellow mindful child birthing class parents and teacher, Roxanne Cummings, for a little reunion and to introduce the babies! It was such a fun afternoon of sharing stories and challenges and reflecting on our birth experiences together, and of course, eating! Santa Cruz has such an amazing birthing community — sometimes I feel like we moved here just to have a baby. It was just the kind of support we needed. These families are so awesome; each of their stories were so special. And Roxanne Cummings is one incredible teacher. I recommend her class to anyone having a baby in Santa Cruz.

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Cheryl, Life

Letting go

As you may or may not know, I’m a huge fan of DailyOM. Their daily emails always seem to come at the right time. Below is a DailyOM I received last week in my inbox that I keep coming back to, titled “Relying on others: The wisdom of surrender”. It’s so meant for me – I’m telling you, it’s like DailyOM knows exactly what I need to hear and when!

Lately I’ve been having a hard time “letting go”, you could say. I’m trying to be OK with a messy house and letting others do things for me. Dishes can sit in the sink for a couple days, right? Dirty diapers can pile up — laundry can go unfolded — for a bit? I feel most normal when my house is clean, but for now, normal is to let things go and maybe rely on someone else for a change, and not myself. To smell my baby’s head some more instead of vacuum up dog hair. To let others help – including Rob {when he has the energy to}! No entertaining. No added expectations. No guilt.

Here is the full DailyOM excerpt for “Relying on others” — perhaps it will speak to you as well!

A deep feeling of gratitude can emerge as we open to the experience of being helped.

Most of us pride ourselves on our self-sufficiency. We like to be responsible for taking care of ourselves and pulling our own weight in the world. This is why it can be so challenging when we find ourselves in a situation in which we have to rely on someone else. This can happen as the result of an illness or an injury, or even in the case of a positive change, such as the arrival of a newborn. At times like these, it is essential that we let go of our feeling that we should be able to do it all by ourselves and accept the help of others.

The first step is accepting the situation fully as it is. Too often we make things worse either by trying to do more than we should or by lapsing into feelings of uselessness. In both cases we run the risk of actually prolonging our dependency. In addition, we miss a valuable opportunity to practice acceptance and humility. The ego resists what is, so when we move into acceptance we move into the deeper realm of the soul. In needing others and allowing them to help us, we experience the full realization that we are not on our own in the world. While this may bring up feelings of vulnerability, a deep feeling of gratitude may also emerge as we open to the experience of being helped. This realization can enable us to be wiser in our service of others when we are called upon to help.

It takes wisdom and strength to surrender to our own helplessness and to accept that we, just like every other human being, have limitations. The gifts of surrender are numerous. We discover humility, gratitude, and a deepening understanding of the human experience that enables us to be that much more compassionate and surrendered in the world.

Life

Happy new year!

Never has a year flown by as fast as 2012 did for us. In my time with friends & family last week, the one word I kept coming back to describe our move & new life in California was ADVENTURE. It’s so true. Here’s a review of our adventurous 2012.

In January, we rang in the New Year in Flagstaff, Rob saw the Grand Canyon for the first time and we pet-sit our favorite basset hound.

 

In February we decided to move to California, went looking for rentalsgot crafty for Valentine’s Day and obsessed over this nacho & hot dog bar.

 

We said goodbye in March, moved to Santa Cruz, celebrated 4 years of marriage and got comfortable in our new home.

 

April was about exploring Santa Cruz, pet-sitting, my first trip to Chicago and a wedding.

 

May we went horseback riding on the beach, planned out our summer, made a succulent frame for the patio and went to a graduation.

 

 

In June I took a sister trip to San Fran, family came to Santa Cruz, and Rob turned a year older. Also met up our friends in Vegas for a 30th birthday celebration.

 

In July we invited some new friends over for a pie & patio party, explored some more and I took a new job in San Juan Bautista.

 

In August, we celebrated Heather’s birthday on the boardwalk, our friends from Arizona came out – the girls went to Napa, the boys stayed in the Cruz. Sister came back for a quick visit, too!

 

 


September
was HUGE – paddle boarding, my parents visited, Sonoma for my birthday and Rob got a new job!!

 

Things began to slow down in October. The weather was perfect. We went kayaking with some new friends and got crafty for Halloween.

November was just as beautiful. Sipped wine in the Santa Cruz mountains, Friendsgiving and a blogging party.

 

In December we kicked off the holiday with the 12 dates of Christmas and went home to celebrate the holiday with our families and friends in Phoenix.

So, 2013, what do you have in store for us? More adventures we hope:)