Pregnancy thoughts

I think it’s really starting to kick in that we’re going to have another one (pun intended). Most days I’m moving so fast I don’t get to think about it, but with all the kicks and our 29 week ultrasound this past week, it’s getting real. Jace won’t be our only little one. Am I going to be able to love another as much as I love Jace? I’m so worried about Jace feeling left out or alone or something. He’s so used to getting all the attention and cuddles, and soon we’ll have another in the bed. Jace has been doing good about starting in his big boy bed (crib is officially gone!) at night, but by 2 a.m. he’s sandwiched in between us in our bed. I always wake up before him and end up just staring at him, all creeper style, ha. I’m so uncontrollably sad that he’s going to be 3 in just a few weeks. It’s absolutely horrible how fast time flies by with children. Even though he seems older than he really is, he’s still my baby. He’s scared of things, like windows and dark rooms and hallways. He loves to cuddle in bed and hold hands while watching movies. He gives big kisses and touches your face or arm softly if he accidently hurts you. I know he’ll have the same sweet heart with his brother but my heart breaks at the thought of having to divide my attention between him and another. Maybe it will be easier than I think, especially if I include him every step of the way. I really want to still have one on one time with him after the next one comes, even plan some dates together, just us. I always want to listen to him and talk to him, watch him learn and develop in all the small ways I observe now. Like, when he said he wanted to find his YELLOW bat the other day. He said YELLOW! He’s starting to understand colors. He’s pretty good at identifying animals and things, but colors and letters have been our focus lately, and it melts my heart when he starts talking about colors on his own. I know I’m all over the place, but I’m super scared of having another one in the mix. It’s exciting, but I’ve been so fixated on Jace face for the last 3 years that it seems almost impossible to open up another part of my heart and soul to another. I hear all that changes once the other one arrices, so we’ll see. For now I’m going to soak up all the alone time with Jace as I can, and just let some tears fall. Damn pregnancy hormones! We’re taking Jace to see the dinosaurs in February (the Cabazon Dinasours), and I’m so excited for another fun getaway with him from the every day routine.