Do you ever feel like you suck at life? No? Just me? Well that’s how I feel. And right now, in this moment, all I want is to get better at it. To be more patient with my 3-year old. To be more supportive of my spouse. To be a better friend. To be a better daughter. To be kinder to myself. To work harder at my day job. But sometimes, I feel like I can’t give any more of my self. They said parenting was hard, but gosh, some days, I really have to reach deep. The first book I ever received about parenting said that having children would be the greatest gift from God. That children would challenge you and make you question things. Make you stronger and build your character. Help you see the purest of hearts from the womb and test your love. That children would teach you patience and selflessness and humility like no other experience. And in this moment, I totally agree. I’m tired and definitely tried. By the end of the day, I feel dead. I fear I look very haggard. I really do. Alone time doesn’t kick in until 9:30 at night, once the kids are asleep, and if I haven’t passed out putting them to sleep, I usually spend the time eating a chocolate chip ice cream sandwich or putting away my laundry that’s been clean and sitting in piles in my small bedroom for 3 weeks. And even more, when Jace wipes his chocolate-smeared mouth on my clean shirt, or fights me to put on his pajamas, or tells me he hates me, or that he wants Daddy after I just made him cheesy scrambled eggs with avo, his favorite, I want to throw in the towel. But gosh darn it, I won’t! Because you know what Cheryl? He’s human. Just like you. This is God telling me to work harder. To be stronger. To woman up. To be the kind of person I want my son to grow up to be – calm and collected. And above all, a happy person, because life is good dang it! I’ll stay up later to clean if I need to, and put off my bikini wax another month so I can buy him a $40 Guardians of the Galaxy toy set. My self might be sort of unrecognizable in the moment, but dang it, that kid is a part of me and I freaking love him. And his pure heart gets me every time. Just like tonight, when he wanted all the neighbors and lookers driving by to look at his freshly carved pumpkin, all lit up in the dark on our front porch. He even invited people back to our house to see it after buying tealights at the local grocer. When he looks at us and says, “I have an idea”, I about want to cry in that moment. He’s so good, I just need to see it more. He truly is a gift.
Oh heyyyy. Cheryl here. Just waiting around for this baby to come out. I’m 39 weeks, come on baby! What have I been doing to kill the time you ask?? .. Aside from STILL working, just doing everything I can to induce labor at home, hahahaha. Including grueling games of ping pong, long walks on the canal (until I have to turn around and go home and pee!) and pulling weeds and cleaning up our yard. Also, I’m eating a lot food (like Matt’s Big Breakfast, OMG!) and going to bed early with Jace. He insists on wearing his glasses like Momma. My body is feeling pretty wacky at this point. I know something’s building, because I’m starting to swell in places. I just wish I knew WHEN it would happen. The suspense is killing me. And so is my back. I’m going to try doing some lunges next, some spicy food .. anything at this point.
Hello friends. Happy New Year! Seems I’ve celebrated quiet a few New Years on this ol’ blog. And now we’ve hit 2017. Wow. Another year alive = always a huge win! It’s been raining non stop here, which is pretty wild for us Arizonans, so I’m sipping some hot “pregnancy” tea. Gotta take advantage while I can. I’ve decided to make some resolutions for myself this year. Things I really suck at you could say. Things I really want to work on. Here goes:
